One of the best descriptions I’ve encountered of what differentiates a confident person from a non-confident one is this: the confident person takes action before they are ready. They know “ready” is a mythical state and so they simply don’t wait for it – they move ahead and see what happens.
Well, that said, I do believe that there is a “not ready” state, and that is the one I’ve struggled with over Just Make Art – both the site and the concept!
You see, this site actually began a full five years before anybody ever saw it online. It was 2005 (er, or 2004? Oh, I hope not!) when I was on the phone with a friend, talking about all the ways in which I “think” myself out of the experience of making art. I told her, I tell myself I’m not good enough, I make it logistically difficult to get started, I over-think my ideas, I question the meaning of art…the list goes on and on.
“But when it comes right down to it,” I said to her, “I need to get out of my own way and just make art.”
I laughed and added, “That would make a good website. Just make art! I can’t be the only one who has this problem.” She agreed, and while still on the phone with her, I opened a browser window, went to GoDaddy.com, and registered the domain. Within hours, I had fleshed out a slew of ideas for the website and even sketched out the basic navigation.
Five years ago. Five years ago. And now, I launch the website.
I think we can agree: Slowest. Website launch. Ever.
Why did it take me this long? It certainly wasn’t due to lack of ideas because, in those intervening years, I continued to scope out article topics and special features and oh, I made plenty of sketches. The project was never far from my mind. I even designed the site a couple of times over.
But, life did get in the way a bit: I was running a coaching business that took a huge investment of time, I moved to a new city, I had to renovate two houses, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and went through chemo and radiation, I launched and re-launched alixnorth.com, I had shoulder surgery, I went back to college to get a degree on an accelerated schedule, and I struggled with chronic post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). So, you know, a few things going on.
But to be honest, the real cause of the delay was that I wasn’t ready to commit to just making art. I was still working out what it means to just make art. Despite having made art for years, being public about my journey was too new. I just wasn’t ready to reveal myself. I wanted to be seen and to share all I’d learned, but I was a little too vulnerable and hesitant to let it happen.
So what changed? It’s true that I am still working out how to “just make art.” But now…now I know that I always will be. I’m deeply aware of how messy and circuitous the process can be. I’ve taken risks with my art and I’m ready to let others see the results. More importantly, I’m anxious to just see what will happen.
So, still not ready. But let’s just see what happens next, because I have a whole lot to share for someone who is not ready, and I’m excited to start the dialogue with you. I bet you have a lot brewing, as well.
Whaddya say we just…make art?
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